chichigrande

4050 pages!! Geez and I thought ours was getting big.

I get most of them from Jokes.com or Amusing Facts.com

Here in Southern California we have a l0t of fires and earthquakes and we also have the occasional floods.

I got 600!! I got 600!! Now I have 5, yes count them 5, red, not blue, symbols above my name.

Madden 2004 is the best sports game out there, me thinks.

26 Things the Movies Taught You... 1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not. 2) At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil. 3) Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one. 4) Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society. 5) It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors. 6) When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish. 7) If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22. 8) Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement. 9) Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape. 10) All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her. 11) All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread. 12) It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. 13) Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving. 14) You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. 15) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do. 16) The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris. 17) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. 18) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long. 19) If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear. 20) Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: “Enter Password Now.” 21) Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. 22) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. 23) A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. 24) If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps. 25) Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite. 26) When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

Classic Baseball Quotes "It was too bad I wasn't a second baseman; then I'd probably have seen a lot more of my husband." --Karolyn Rose, ex-wife of Pete Rose, 1981 "It's a weird scene. You win a few baseball games and all of a sudden, you're surrounded by reporters and TV men with cameras asking you about Vietnam and race relations." --Vida Blue, 1971 "I watch a lot of baseball on the radio." --Gerald Ford, 1978 "It's a beautiful day for a night game." --Announcer Frankie Frisch "The most important things in life are good friends and a strong bull pen." --Pitcher Bob Lemon, 1981 "Well, that kind of puts a damper on another Yankees win." --Announcer Phil Rizzuto, after a news bulletin reporting the death of Pope Paul VI, 1978 "They brought me up with the Brooklyn Dodgers, which at time was in Brooklyn." --Casey Stengel, 1962 "I won't play for a penny less than $1500." --Honus Wagner, turning down an offer of $2000

Yes, you see Brian, Desmond, Bobby, and I all live in Thousand Oaks, CA (near LA) you're going to be about 500 miles north of us. Too bad.

3 moe days left. Then it's Desmond's Birthday. Hold on... wait a second you mean we're counting down the days until Christams. Ahhh 3 days until Christams

Got to love the pink elephant.

I really have no clue what it means. So what does the symbol mean?

cool picture!

Q: What did Clinton say when asked if he had used protection? A: "Sure, there was a guard standing right outside the door." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What do you name a dog with no hind legs ans metal testicles? A: Sparky ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Where do you find a dig with no legs? A: Right where you left it. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Signs That You're A Drunk 1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects. 2. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. 3. Your job starts to interfere with your drinking. 4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. 5. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. 6. You sincerely believe alcohol is the elusive 5th food group. 7. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case Coincidence?!?!? 8. Two hands and just one mouth now THAT'S a drinking problem. 9. Every woman you see has an exact twin. 10. You fall off the floor 11. Hey, 5 beers have just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner! 12. Your idea of cutting back is less salt. 13. Every night you're beginning to find your neighbours cat more and more attractive 14. I'm not drunk you're just sober!! 15. Roseanne looks good 16. You don't recognise your wife unless seen from the bottom of a glass. 17. That dammned pink elephant followed me home again. 18. You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store. 19. You've fallen and can't get up. 20. The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering.

I want one. Nah, just kidding, but that's pretty cool,

That's sad and very disgusting at the same time. Just hope it never happens to me.

The new Christmas smilies are cool. I like the WFG symbol with a hat on.

I'm too young to do either of those, so I had to vote none of the above.

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs? A: Ground beef. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Funny Answering Machine Messages 1) The president is not in his/her office at this time. Please leave your number, the name of the country you wish to invade and the secret password. 2) Thanks for calling the psychic hotline. I'm not in my office right now, but leave your number and what you think of when you hear the following: orange, mother, unicorn. Also, leave me a brief history of your childhood. Thank you. 3) Hi, this is [YOUR NAME]'s refrigerator. The answering machine eloped with the tape deck so this is my job for a while. Leave a message and I'll stick it to myself so that [YOUR NAME] receives it promptly. 4) This is you know who, I'm you know where, leave your you know what, you know when. 5) Hi. Now you say something. 6) This is not the pizza place, so please do not leave an order or Luigi will come after you again. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Whats the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A: A golfer goes, whack!..."darn!" And a skydiver goes, "darn!"... whack!

We're having a party at my house and my friend is bringing some fireworks and we're going to light those off.

I would really want to learn to play the bass guitar or the drums.

Q: Why is Santo so happy all the time? A: He knows where all the bad girls live!

Yeah!! Desmond you and I are the only ones not going somewhere!!

What not to say to a cop: 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. 2. Sorry, I didn't realize that my radar detector wasn't on. 3. Aren't you the guy from the village people? 4. Hey you must have been going 125mph just to keep up with me. 5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a cop. 6. Bad cop! No donut! 7. You're gonna check the trunk, aren't you? 8. I was going to be a cop, really, but I decided to finish high school. 9. I pay your salary. 10. That's terrific, the last guy only gave me a warning also. 11. Is that a 9mm? It's nothing compared to this .44 magnum! 12. What do you mean, have I been drinking? You're a trained specialist. 13. Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does. 14. By the looks of that gut, I bet I can outrun you. 15. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops? 16. Is it true people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds? 17. I was trying to keep up with traffic. 18. Yes, I know there are no other cars around—that's how far they are ahead of me. 19. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

HAHAHAHAHA!!! There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who 1) would treat her nicely, 2) wouldn't run away from her, and 3) would be good in bed. Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs. "I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you." "Yes, but are you good in bed?" "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

I hope to go to Mammoth, CA and go snowboarding/skiing, but I probally won't.