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Jesus, Moses, and this other guy are playing golf. Moses approaches the tee takes a swing and launches the ball right into the water. Moses walks to the water, parts the "sea" and hits the ball out. Next Jesus approaches the tee. And he too hits it straight into the water. He walks accross the water and hits the ball out. The other guy walks up to the tee, hits the ball, it looks to be going into the water but a fish jumps up and eats the ball. Suddenly a hawk swoops down, grabs the fish, and flies away. When the hawk is over the hole the, fish spits out the ball and the ball lands right in the hole. Moses turns to Jesus and says, "Jesus I hate playing with your dad."

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Children's books that didn't make it ...

1. You Are Different and That's Bad

2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

3. Dad's New Wife Robert

4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share

5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book

6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking

7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

9. All Cats Go to Hell

10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched

11. Some Kittens Can Fly

12. That's it, I'm Putting You UP for Adoption

13. Grandpa Gets a Casket

14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator

15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia

16. The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy

17. Strangers Have the Best Candy

18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way

19. You Were an Accident

20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games

22. The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan

23. Your Nightmares Are Real

24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?

25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School

26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?

27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things

28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

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Things To Do In An Elevator...

When people get on, ask for their tickets.

When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Mike. How's your day been?"

When the doors close, menacingly announce that "It's going to be a bumpy


Constantly bounce a tennis ball.

Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, say "that's mine!"

Stand in the corner reading a telephone book, laughing.

Take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

Turn off the lights in the elevator to "conserve energy."

Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

Push your floor button with your nose.

Stand alone, and when the doors open tell people trying to get on that the car is full and that they should wait for the next one.

Swat at flies that don't exist.

Ride naked.

Push the top floor button and announce that you tried to kill yourself yesterday but the other building wasn't high enough.

Talk to people about the "golden age of elevators in the 50's."

Jump rope.

Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

Ask, "Did you feel that? I felt a rumble."

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Hi, first visit in this thread ....

Its really hard to translate jokes, but ill try:

I have a great joke, but its about sex and stuff, and if there are anyone below 14 or something, that would be impropiet!

But this one is also pretty pervo, but ill try: *delete if not funny, or to bad*

btw... This one took time, from Nor to Eng. .. . .

A man arrives at his favourite restaurant and sits down at his usual table. When he gets the menu, he sees the most beautiful lady he have ever seen, sitting just 2 tables away, also alone.

He desides to call for the waiter.

"Please send one of those" while he is pointing at the most expensive and best whine bottle " and send it to that table, and tell her that it is from me" he says, while he discrete puts 20$ in the waiters pocket!

the waiter does this, off course. The whine arrives, but insted of open the bottle, she just gives the waiters a note.

The waiter walks strait at our mans table, and give him the note.

It says: "If i open your bottle, you must have a mercedes in your garage, 10 million $ in the bank and 18 cm in your pants!"

Our man writes a new note, which he give to the waiter, and he gives it to the lady....

On that note this were wroten down:

Dear lady. In my garage, there are a Ferrari F40, a Mercedes S600 and a Jaguar XJ12. On my bank acount there are over 90 million $. But you are not freakin hot enough to cut off half Junior (the thing down there you know)!!!! Just send the whine in return you cow :P


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Ah, good one.

So there is a class full of blondes at Kansas State Univresity. For one of their assignments they has to go outside and measure the hieght of the flagpole. So they grab a ladder and each one climbs that ladder to learn that it is not high enough. So they start to pile on top over oeach other. The tower of blondes falls and creates a mess of everyone. A smart engineer shows up, pulls that flag pole out of the ground and measures it. He tells the class that it's 28 ft high. As he walks away one blonde turns to another and say "That was mighty nice of that engineer, but wwe were supposed to looking for the hieght not the width."

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