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Depression and Hope

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Stole this from my xanga (so its not really stealing). I'm really just feeling "blah" lately...like this whole week.

Just friends. It's something hard to soak up after getting so close. God's will reigns best, now just to see what's in store.

Mmm also found out today that my cell phone bill is $400. That blows.

And I get to go into work at noon today instead of 4. And I'm working sunday

So yeah...little things add up and drive me to tears. Pray for me.

Edit -

Ok so i posted this before, but i needs to be posted again.


Discouraged, dismayed

Distressed and afraid

Disallusioned, distracted

All emotions have impacted

Disoriented, misplaced

These problems I've faced

Determined, adament

You knew what I meant

Hopeful, eager

Love's so meager

Trusting, unknowing

The future isn't showing

God You still know

The seed I've yet to sow

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Eh, i'd have to work sunday, i was scheduled against my will lol.

I was irresponsible and didn't have self-control with my cell, so now I reap the rewards...er, consequences.

Jillian and I are working things out as "just friends", but its a lot more awkward and different. Its so hard seeing her and not being able to wrap my arms around her.

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So there is a poetry thread...but this is related more to this topic.

I've Ever Loved Thee

A relationship, its what you said

What you wanted, but now its dead

Effort I tried, but it was not returned

It takes two, for those gears to have turned

It was meant to be, you and me

We were in love togther, and now I see

My love was not returned, yet on I say

How I long for you, I love you today

Puppy love, what you asked for

I'd give it thee, and so much more

Hard to get, that just smashed

My hopes, and dreams were dashed

What do you want, of me I ask?

Just tell me, I'd do the task

What from me, I dare not say

But from my heart, I will pay

So I do slip, and make mistake

Yes, I do fail, and instigate

I'm not perfect, as I said

Yet my love for you is not dead

I can't do this, no, not alone

I need another, another to bear the groan

I need you, yes you to hold

What about you, has it grown old?

Are you tired of me, wanting more?

Are you regretting me, just a bore?

Are you forgetting me, moving on?

Are you even knowing me, or am I gone?

My love lives on, in silence still

Wondering if, you'll love me till

I can do it right, show you how

I've ever loved thee, more than now

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  • 3 weeks later...

Sweet, a triple post...muahahah.

A little update on the situation between Jillian and I...

Kissing never tasted so good (well, she is the first and only girl i've kissed). Yeah, we're back together and better off than we were. We're having fun times together as much as possible and its much less "constraining" as far as the previous jealousy and stuff went. I.E., its so much better now than before.

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Ummm, who is Jillian? $400!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you realise I could buy the whole Lego Star Wars Episode III Collection????

Eh, it could get worse.  We could have broken up, gotten mad at each other, whatever.  I hope and pray that God takes the awkwardness away and that Jillian and I can develop a deep friendship.

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