Jump to content

ZeZar

Community Members
  • Posts

    1.871
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Posts posted by ZeZar

  1. My new best friend!

    It was quiet, ”Nussy” I yelled She did not answer. “Please Nussy”. I ran down the stairs, into the living room with my gun loaded. I yelled “Filly, Paal”. Then I saw and shot one of them. Then it all became silent again.

    One week earlier:

    “Are you sure” mom said.”

    “Yes mom, I`m 16 years old, I`m old enough to be (stay) home alone for 2 weeks”.

    “We know that son” she said

    “Please let me know when you are there, and have a nice trip” I said calmly” A few more days went by, and I was all alone. On the 4th of July, I heard a noice (noise) downstairs, I ran down with my new shotgun, a Benelli M3, the most powerful shotgun you get for $1000.

    When i got down i saw some beautiful dogs, they were all white and black and looked delightful.

    I wistled at them, they came, and I was in love with them.

    The next day, and some more says, me and my dogs had a great time playing and I called them

    Paal- The strong one

    Nussy- The smart one

    Filly- The wild and wierd one

    So on the 7th of July, me and my dogs was (were) sleeping. (When) I heard some noice (noise) downstairs again, this time it was a human voice.

    “The dogs are in here somewhere” one of them said.

    “Then search the house” one other said.

    I paniced, I gotta get out of here i thought, the dogs were already in my bed. Suddendly (suddenly) I heard someone in the stairs, walking fast. I had my gun, and my dogs, so I was prepared.

    The guy were (was) upstairs now, I could not wait much longer... !PANG!

    He was dead, but the others heard it and were coming up (upstairs). My dogs ran downstairs and started fighting, I heard shots, I raised up (arose, or got up), and reloaded my gun.

    ”Nussy” I yelled She did not answer. “Please Nussy”. I ran down the stairs, into the living room with my gun loaded. I yelled “Filly, Paal”. Then I saw and shot one of them. Then it all became silent again.

    “Woff” I heard, and then some screams. I walked out, and shot the guy that was standing there. Then I heard both dogs and guys upstairs. I ran up up and saw Filly laying (lying) there, bleeding. He (She) was shot in both legs and stomach (belly) and was in big pain. I walked into my bedroom. There i saw Nussy and Paal fighting against the last bad guy. Then two shots were fired at the same time. I shot the bad guy, and He shot Paal. Paal was hit bad (badly), and as every guy with love to (for) his friends would do: I killed Paal and Filly, they were in too big pain to survive!

    Øyvind Myhren Tjøstheim 10A Froland Ungdomskole

    Comments by teacher:

    I was slightly disappointed as I thought at first glance you were going to write about wolvess. I like the composition of this essay. You begin and end your story with same dynamite event. I wis you could leave out all the shooting. I had my dose of Morgan Kane a long time ago

    Your English (last test was right before posting alot at wfg forums) is improving, I belive

    Lene Engdahl English teacher 10 A Froland U. Skole!

    My grade was B-.

    There may be some mistakes, spelling, because im in a hurry.

    I have included my teachers spelling, like this one; noice (noise) where her are ()!'

    thank you all, hf gl ZeZar! :P

×
×
  • Create New...