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chichigrande

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Posts posted by chichigrande

  4. Jokes

    in Introductions & Off-Topic Discussion

    Posted

    Top Ten Things Not To Say At A Funeral

    1. What's that smell?

    2. So who's that sleeping in the box?

    3. I wouldn't be caught dead in that outfit.

    4. I would have loaned him my good rope if I'd known what he was

    using it for!

    5. (to the widow) Now that you're single, how about a date?

    6. It must suck to be dead.

    7. (crying) I guess this means I'm out of the buck he owes me!

    8. When do we eat?

    9. Can I have his car?

    10. People sure look stupid dead.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Top 20 Things You Don't Want To Hear During Surgery

    1. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

    2. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

    3. Hand me that...uh...that uh...thingie.

    4. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

    5. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff

    before?

    6. There go the lights again...

    7. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys...and this guy's got

    two of 'em."

    8. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

    9. Could you stop that thing from beating, it's throwing my

    concentration off.

    10. Sterile, schmerile. The floor's clean, right?

    11. What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change?

    12. This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

    13. Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

    14. What do you mean "You want a divorce!"

    15. Fire! Fire! Everyone get out.

    16. darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing.

    17. Oh, look everyone. It's lunch time.

    18. The foot bone's connected to the, leg bone...

    19. That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

    20. Hey, if you pull on this it makes a funny noise.

    =====================================================

    more coming soon

  5. Jokes

    in Introductions & Off-Topic Discussion

    Posted

    Top Ten Things You Do Not Want To Hear On An Airplane

    P.A. System

    1. Mid-way across the Ocean: This is your Captain speaking, I

    just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat

    cushions can be used as floatation devices.

    2. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of

    the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our

    airlines new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing

    extravaganza.

    3. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail! Eject! Eject!

    4. Fasten your seatbelt. (same tone your friend with the

    suicidal driving tendencies uses when you get in the car)

    5. This is your Captain speaking....these new planes are a lot

    different than the ships I'm used to..so you'll have to give me

    some leeway......

    6. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their

    shades and watched the inflight movie.

    7. Drinks are on me...or I'll have what the Captain's having...

    8. Hey capt'n, take another hit man...

    9. Get the parachutes ready...

    10. I'm sure everyones noticed the loss of an engine, however

    the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much

    more efficiently now.

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