My English Exam Paper!

[ZeZar]

My new best friend!

It was quiet, ”Nussy” I yelled She did not answer. “Please Nussy”. I ran down the stairs, into the living room with my gun loaded. I yelled “Filly, Paal”. Then I saw and shot one of them. Then it all became silent again.

One week earlier:

“Are you sure” mom said.”

“Yes mom, I`m 16 years old, I`m old enough to be (stay) home alone for 2 weeks”.

“We know that son” she said

“Please let me know when you are there, and have a nice trip” I said calmly” A few more days went by, and I was all alone. On the 4th of July, I heard a noice (noise) downstairs, I ran down with my new shotgun, a Benelli M3, the most powerful shotgun you get for $1000.

When i got down i saw some beautiful dogs, they were all white and black and looked delightful.

I wistled at them, they came, and I was in love with them.

The next day, and some more says, me and my dogs had a great time playing and I called them

Paal- The strong one

Nussy- The smart one

Filly- The wild and wierd one

So on the 7th of July, me and my dogs was (were) sleeping. (When) I heard some noice (noise) downstairs again, this time it was a human voice.

“The dogs are in here somewhere” one of them said.

“Then search the house” one other said.

I paniced, I gotta get out of here i thought, the dogs were already in my bed. Suddendly (suddenly) I heard someone in the stairs, walking fast. I had my gun, and my dogs, so I was prepared.

The guy were (was) upstairs now, I could not wait much longer... !PANG!

He was dead, but the others heard it and were coming up (upstairs). My dogs ran downstairs and started fighting, I heard shots, I raised up (arose, or got up), and reloaded my gun.

”Nussy” I yelled She did not answer. “Please Nussy”. I ran down the stairs, into the living room with my gun loaded. I yelled “Filly, Paal”. Then I saw and shot one of them. Then it all became silent again.

“Woff” I heard, and then some screams. I walked out, and shot the guy that was standing there. Then I heard both dogs and guys upstairs. I ran up up and saw Filly laying (lying) there, bleeding. He (She) was shot in both legs and stomach (belly) and was in big pain. I walked into my bedroom. There i saw Nussy and Paal fighting against the last bad guy. Then two shots were fired at the same time. I shot the bad guy, and He shot Paal. Paal was hit bad (badly), and as every guy with love to (for) his friends would do: I killed Paal and Filly, they were in too big pain to survive!

Øyvind Myhren Tjøstheim 10A Froland Ungdomskole

Comments by teacher:

I was slightly disappointed as I thought at first glance you were going to write about wolvess. I like the composition of this essay. You begin and end your story with same dynamite event. I wis you could leave out all the shooting. I had my dose of Morgan Kane a long time ago

Your English (last test was right before posting alot at wfg forums) is improving, I belive

Lene Engdahl English teacher 10 A Froland U. Skole!

My grade was B-.

There may be some mistakes, spelling, because im in a hurry.

I have included my teachers spelling, like this one; noice (noise) where her are ()!'

thank you all, hf gl ZeZar!

[Klaas]

Well I agree with your teacher. Your language is indeed improving since the first day you came here. Good idea you used a flash forward at the beginning of your story, it makes it more exciting. Yep, I didn't really like the shooting either though.

One contructive comment I'll give regarding contents is that the actions of the character should be justified if you want him to be a hero. Now it's rather absurd, I don't know a good person who just shoots somebody because he entered his house.

Depends on how you want it though, if you like action stories it's ok, but personally I think such violence isn't really needed.

However, if you like to play with violence in stories take a look at Quentin Tarantino's movies. They are extremely violent but with a reason which isn't that easy to find.

Some literature I would recommend you is Popcorn by Ben Elton. Really great book, I'm sure your teacher will like it (Ben Elton is a respected author and scenario writer).

Anyway, good job

[King Tutankhamun]

Is this a Enlish as a second lanugage or is it your main class for languages?

Anyway, I liked it. Was a bit too much shooting, but that was ok for me.

Good job!

[ZeZar]

"Is this a Enlish as a second lanugage or is it your main class for languages?"

Well, im only 15 years old, have things like Math, English, Norwegian, Biography, gym and others. As a second language? I dont know actually! It is my second language if thats what you meen?