I agree with the OPs sentiment/historical perspective, and I just play the game that way to get into it. I attack with forces usually 40-80 strong, capture some towers and barracks or temples and hold them, and then retreat. If an area is pacified I capture a food storehouse and put the veterans to work in the nearby fields. If the survivors are numerous enough and I can build my own civ center on the enemy frontier quick, I do that and settle them into work.
I dont play multiplayer though, you guys must be on some other level of game play.