Khazun
-
Posts
594 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Posts posted by Khazun
-
-
very, very nice.
-
3 hours until my next joke post thecobra1.
I might start up a joke site, hehehe.
-
lol, ok, hehehe, sorry
-
Trust me, you want the lines sensored-lol.
-
I dont watch any sports on TV really. I just find it ... boring.
Id rather go and play a sport.
-
Was cleaning out my pc a while ago.
Found this old picture. Was blacmailing a friend with it for weeks, god it was fun.
Anyway, here it is. Am I not a nice friend?
Hehehehe.
*Picture deleted due to questionable content ~ Randy*
-
I dont watch sports either, but i was told to go for the flames too
-
Oh well.
Special Treat for Aldy, Some Pregnancy Questions.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.
Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.
Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A. Childbirth.
Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. 'Cause you're fatter than they are.
Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question?
Q. What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.
Q. How long is the average woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says, divided by two.
Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q. What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning?
A. It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.
Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.
Q. Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.
Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.
Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.
Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.
Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.
Q. What are the terrible twos?
A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.
Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A. When you see teeth marks.
Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.
-
elephant
-
Thanks Aldy.
More tomorrow.
-
Heres one I use alot.
"I am a very hot blonde woman, living in the same town as you. Stop killing me and ill do you a favour"
-
-
Good Job.
Ive got 95% on all tests so far.
Got 97% on a maths one, and then went bad on a maths one and got 67%, but meh, its only maths.
-
Hi Guys.
A topic I have been wondering about for a while now.
Are the people in this forum (Hall of Intellectuals) really smart?
Are we actually intellectuals?
Or are we wannabe intellectuals hiding from the real intellectuals pretending to be intellectuals in a fake intellectual environment where the real intellectuals can not proove us to be fake wannabe intellectuals?
Interested in peoples replies
-
Gee-close
-
He could,
I'll tell you what.
http://www.exize.com (self plug) will give him 2 months of free hosting on our Bronze Shared Plan.
(Donated by Khazy, so if u need hosting, plz buy through me-hehehe)
-
I was born in 1906, but msn said its an invalid date
Anyway, guess my age from that. Hehe, im a crumbler.
-
Ill try and be on. But im all the way in GMT + 10
-
lol Matt, heard most of them. The darwin awards website is www.darwinawards.com for those of you who havnt heard of it. The book is great.
Perhaps some of my favourite darwin awards entires are: (going off my memory here, so they are heavily abbreviated).
1-A guy decided to take his girlfriend out on a super romatic holiday for the weekend. To keep with the theme, he bought some chocolate body paint. Anyway, the story goes on and htey begin to use the body paint. Unfortunately, the man was first to use it, so where will a man put it to be licked off? Take a guess. Anyway, unfortunately the guy read the label wrong, and instead of microwaving it for 3 seconds on high, he microwaved it for 3 minutes on high before putting it straight onto his genitals. Got some serious burns here
(and for all us guys, ouchies)2-Perhaps another one of my favourites is yet again about a very poot guy. In this story, i will use the names Borris and Bob, to hide the names of the very painful.
Borris and Bob worked at the same workplace, and were somewhat friends, but not great friends. It was Bob's last day on the job, and their boss was a d******d, so Bob decided to get him back. When his bos went to the toilet, bob put some superglue around his bosses mug, and then left snickering.
Unfortunately, Borris didnt like his boss much either, and saw his bosses unattended coffee mug, and the boss nowhere in site. To py his boss back for being a dickhead, he unzipped his fly, and begun to urinate in his bosses coffee. What Borris did not know was that superglue was on the rim of the cup. When Borris heard his boss coming, he thought he better zip up, but oh-oh, mr winky is stuck on the cup. His boss then comes in, and finds his employee with his @#$% stuck to his coffee mug.
Anyway, the story goes on, and to get mr winky saved the poor bugger loses a testicle, and I dont think BOb has told him where the superglue came from.
There we have it, 2 of my favourite Darwin Awards.
And Today's Joke:
________________________________
*Make a drumroll sound*
_________________________________
*Explain to partner why you look like an idiot making a drumroll sound*
________________________________________________________
Ok.
One day a guy had just bought a new motorbike, buta few of the rubber thingies were lose, so he took some vacolene to cover it up incase it rained.
His girlfriend came home that night and said she wanted to go to her parents for chirstmas dinner. He is a little upset, but he agrees.
On arrival,she tells her boyfriend not to say a word. 3 years ago there was a fight over who should do the chirstmas dishes. Nobody wanted to, so it was agreed that the next person to speak does the dishes. The boyfriend walks in and sees piles of dirty dishes.
While eating, every one was silent, so the boyfriend decided to have some fun. He lifts his girlfriend up on the table, bangs her and puts her back. The father isnt happy, the mother is gobsmacked and the girl is embarassed.
15 minutes later it was still silent. The boyfriend then grabs the mother, lifts her on the table and bangs her. The father is disgusted, the girlfriend isnt happy and the mother looks a little happier.
It then begins to rain. Remembering his motorbike, the boyfriend grabs his can of vasolene and gets up.
The father suddenly gets up and screams "Ok Ok, Ill do the bloody dishes"
Hehehehehe
-
-
Thanks.
One day a blonde was walking down the street, pointed and said 'hey, look at that dog with one eye'
The other covered up her right eye and said ;where'.
Ill post some better ones later. Do i have to keep them clean?
-
Thanks.
@ Aldaron - Prices are on Exize.com
Some examples could be (all prices us)
Copper Plan: 50 meg space / 500 meg transfer : 75c a month
Bronze Plan:100 meg space / 1 gig Transfer : 99c a month
Platinum Plan:1 gig space / 6 gig transfer : $4.99 a month
Our our monthly special (a reseller account, includes a unique ip):
Monthly Special: 20 gigs space, 120 gigs bandwidth : $30 a month
-
I dont get deep into the movies like AD. I just watch it
I thought the movie was good. Shows how dumb the Torjans are though. I saw the movie once and they lost the war.
The next day I saw it again, and htey made the same mistake so they lost the war a second time by the same mistake.
Do old people ever learn?
Nah, it was a good movie. Nice to see good old Aussies getting back in there, and Eric Bana finally in a decent role (none of that incredible hulk junk)
-
O-I got billions of these things in my inbox and my head, most not clean.
Anyway, heres one for ya. (Dont whinge if you are blonde, i am and am not whinging)
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him."
"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."
"No, mother," you don't understand.
"I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!"
"Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom.
"Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."
"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket."
"Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?"
"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said -
'Prepare from a frozen state,' so I flew to Alaska!"
Jokes
in Introductions & Off-Topic Discussion
Posted
Yes.
Sorry about the delay, but here is todays newest joke.
The Good old Redneck Sex Test.
1. The clitoris is a type of flower.
True or False
2. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit.
True or False
3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird.
True or False
4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack.
True or False
5. A menstrual cycle has three wheels.
True or False
6. A G-string is part of a fiddle.
True or False
7. Semen is a term for sailors.
True or False
8. Anus is a Latin term for yearly.
True or False
9. Testicles are found on an Octopus.
True or False
10. Asphalt describes rectal problems.
True or False
11. KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati.
True or False
12. @#$%e is used to catch large fish.
True or False
13. Coitus is a musical instrument.
True or False
14. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke.
True or False
15. An umbilical chord is part of a parachute.
True or False
16. A condom is a large apartment complex.
True or False
17. An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir.
True or False
18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry.
True or False
19. A @#$% is a variety of sweet pickle.
True or False
20. An erection is when Japanese people vote.
True or False
21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East.
True or False
22. Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass.
True or False
23. Pornography is the business of making records.
True or False
24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin.
True or False
25. Douche is the French word for "twelve".
True or False