ZeZar Posted July 28, 2004 Report Share Posted July 28, 2004 I got 2-3 comments about it, but never got any votes, PLEASE vote I thought it was cool readin my very old paper ... Also, i see that i have improved my English, not much, but some (Though there is still a loooooong way to go) Well, here it is, unedited, its about a year old i think My new best friend!It was quiet, ?Nussy? I yelled She did not answer. ?Please Nussy?. I ran down the stairs, into the living room with my gun loaded. I yelled ?Filly, Paal?. Then I saw and shot one of them. Then it all became silent again.One week earlier:?Are you sure? mom said.??Yes mom, I`m 16 years old, I`m old enough to be (stay) home alone for 2 weeks?.?We know that son? she said?Please let me know when you are there, and have a nice trip? I said calmly? A few more days went by, and I was all alone. On the 4th of July, I heard a noice (noise) downstairs, I ran down with my new shotgun, a Benelli M3, the most powerful shotgun you get for $1000.When i got down i saw some beautiful dogs, they were all white and black and looked delightful.I wistled at them, they came, and I was in love with them.The next day, and some more says, me and my dogs had a great time playing and I called themPaal- The strong oneNussy- The smart oneFilly- The wild and wierd oneSo on the 7th of July, me and my dogs was (were) sleeping. (When) I heard some noice (noise) downstairs again, this time it was a human voice.?The dogs are in here somewhere? one of them said.?Then search the house? one other said.I paniced, I gotta get out of here i thought, the dogs were already in my bed. Suddendly (suddenly) I heard someone in the stairs, walking fast. I had my gun, and my dogs, so I was prepared.The guy were (was) upstairs now, I could not wait much longer... !PANG!He was dead, but the others heard it and were coming up (upstairs). My dogs ran downstairs and started fighting, I heard shots, I raised up (arose, or got up), and reloaded my gun.?Nussy? I yelled She did not answer. ?Please Nussy?. I ran down the stairs, into the living room with my gun loaded. I yelled ?Filly, Paal?. Then I saw and shot one of them. Then it all became silent again.?Woff? I heard, and then some screams. I walked out, and shot the guy that was standing there. Then I heard both dogs and guys upstairs. I ran up up and saw Filly laying (lying) there, bleeding. He (She) was shot in both legs and stomach (belly) and was in big pain. I walked into my bedroom. There i saw Nussy and Paal fighting against the last bad guy. Then two shots were fired at the same time. I shot the bad guy, and He shot Paal. Paal was hit bad (badly), and as every guy with love to (for) his friends would do: I killed Paal and Filly, they were in too big pain to survive!Øyvind Myhren Tjøstheim 10A Froland UngdomskoleComments by teacher:I was slightly disappointed as I thought at first glance you were going to write about wolvess. I like the composition of this essay. You begin and end your story with same dynamite event. I wis you could leave out all the shooting. I had my dose of Morgan Kane a long time agoYour English (last test was right before posting alot at wfg forums) is improving, I beliveLene Engdahl English teacher 10 A Froland U. Skole!My grade was B-.There may be some mistakes, spelling, because im in a hurry. I have included my teachers spelling, like this one; noice (noise) where her are ()!'thank you all, hf gl ZeZar! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorian Posted July 28, 2004 Report Share Posted July 28, 2004 Very good . I'm terrible at leaning languages, like French, I'm terrible at French . Lol, I gave you a four for the spelling mistakes but otherwise, great, well done . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klaas Posted July 28, 2004 Report Share Posted July 28, 2004 I've given you a 4 too Btw, is that exactly what your English teacher wrote? Not that my English is good, but hers isn't that good either Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZeZar Posted July 28, 2004 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2004 I've given you a 4 too Btw, is that exactly what your English teacher wrote? Not that my English is good, but hers isn't that good either That is exactly what she wrote yes btw, i dont know about her English, but i HATED that teacher, i hated her so much !!So im kind of glad i dont have to see her again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Tutankhamun Posted July 28, 2004 Report Share Posted July 28, 2004 We have something in common, I also hate my English teacher. Anyone who had her will fully agree. Since in our English class we do not learn it, but do these boring exercises and read boring stories. That is because that is what English class is like in the US. Doing grammar every single year, and other useless exercies.So, when did you write that Ze? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZeZar Posted July 28, 2004 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2004 Well, I wish i could say 4 years ago, but Christmas 2003/2004 The thing about my English teacher (who happens to also be my Norwegian teacher) is that first of all shes ugly, she cant teach, she behaves really bad, she is SO unfair and shes not my kind of teacher AT ALL. Also ... every writer is her favourite, AND we always read this TOTALLY BOOOORING romans I totally hate her Thanks for understanding Des Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorian Posted July 28, 2004 Report Share Posted July 28, 2004 Whatever country you're learning it in, English is always boring, I don't know who I'm going to have next year but this year we had a boring teacher, she brings what she likes to lessons, and she likes Mozart and Shakespeare, ahhhhhhh!!! Lol, I think they are my least favourite things now, sorry, I thought I'd join in at the complianing at English teachers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chichigrande Posted July 28, 2004 Report Share Posted July 28, 2004 I had to give a 3. The plot was good along with mostly everything else. But there were punctuation and spelling mistakes that made the story confusing. Other than that it was pretty good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rohirwine Posted July 29, 2004 Report Share Posted July 29, 2004 Gave a 4, good story, horrific teacher... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZeZar Posted July 29, 2004 Author Report Share Posted July 29, 2004 Gave a 4, good story, horrific teacher... ROFL, im glad you guys support me in my war against my terrible teacher ... Though its over ... school is over New school, new teachers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorian Posted July 31, 2004 Report Share Posted July 31, 2004 You'll probably have another boring English teacher, I've only ever had one year where I enjoyed a language because we had a teacher who was in her twenties and young teacher like that are always cool, we didn't get much work done though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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